so, im sitting here, as always, wondering. pondering really, the fate of the world. but hell, who is to say that im that deep, probably me. nobody else would say that. but yes, time for an accurate explanation of what is happening with my life.

~and here it goes.

i have pretty much always been sad, if not in a joyously happy kind of way, but i cant even say that. more like a big whale finally feeling the crushing support of water dissapear, and yet return, without ever leaving. god, i like metaphors, i would never be able to get anything out of my mouth if there were none. i have just realized, not fully, but nearly there, if i will ever be, that i am whore. yes, i am a whore. a cam whore, an attention whore, an overall life whore. im not a vampire, i dont take what i cant give back, or recieve.sigh, whore isnt the right word. more like i cant help anything that isnt thrown at me. not that i want to help. but anyway. i dont think that anyone would really understand this except for maybe megan or trinna, which i miss very much.

Oh! i had a weird feeling that felt all to human. before i tell you this feeling, or the cause of it, i suppose i should tell you why it felt all to human.

i have tried for a very long time to not be affected by things, to act like a dog, which is to say that i dont want to value one thing over the other. i want to view everything as the same, and that was shot down by a few words that shouldnt have mattered at all. i mean seriously, they shouldnt have even crossed my mind, even if i was normal, and saw everything as a different value, but these just struck me as...painful.

i was chatting with cody, a dear friend of mine^^ and i was talking about a friend that i liked, and his one response was when will you dump him? it felt like my heart was being ripped apart by my own hands, because i knew it was true, that i would after a week or two or so. but i kinda felt like puking up my guts, literally, and staring at them for hours. i am not mad, or anything, it was just kind of like an oh moment. like an oh, i suppose your right, my friend. but i know im not going to do anything to stop it.

god, i feel really horrid now. not because of what was going on in the paragraph above but just because i wrote that paragraph. keep it simple, ann. please? talk about your dogs, or how your great grandmother is sick. keep it just to the facts, no emotion. please...? damn. teenagers are angsty as fuck.